Rock Solid Family: “Put the Ball in Play” Marriage
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“Everything worthwhile is uphill. Sadly, many people have uphill hopes and downhill habits.” John Maxwell
“Families are the basic, foundational social units in all human communities around the world, and healthy individuals within healthy families are at the core of a healthy society. It's in everyone's best interest, then, to help create a positive environment for all families.” University of Nebraska Study
The Bible, a maturing faith and a healthy church all work together to develop Rock-Solid Families. Have a full tool belt!
3 Most Common Marriage Swing and Misses
1) Mis-Use
2) Mis-Understanding
3) Mis-Take
3 Pastoral Asks
1) Ask the Holy Spirit to help you lower your de-fences
2) Raise your hope in Christ
3) Trust God’s way forward
A. Mis-Use
Ephesians 5:1-2 (Message) 1-2 Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.
Ephesians 5:21-33 (Message) 21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. [revere means to put above] 22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. 29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
Men – “putting the ball in play” is in providing cherishing leadership. This means to lead with our wives and families in mind. As opposed to cultural leadership that leverages “position” for self-gain and self-satisfaction.
Wives – “putting the ball in play” is trusting, supporting and following that cherished leadership.
2 Causes of Pushback
1) Loud Culture.
2) Selfish Tendencies.
The primary “swing and miss” in marriage is the mis-use of a husband’s leadership (neglect or selfishness) and the wives dis-missal of their call to honor and respect (either due to cultural influences or poor leadership).
2 Ways to put the Love & Respect Ball in Play
1) Independently play your position to the best of your ability.
2) Work together under the Lordship of Christ.
Mis-Understandings
4 Ways to put the Clear Communication Ball into Play.
1. Regular Investments in Trust and Intimacy.
2. Empathetic Understanding of Fears and Filters.
3. Intentional Space Creation.
4. Attentive Recognition of Situational Stakes.
James 1:19-20 (AMP) 19 Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]; 20 for the [resentful, deep-seated] anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God [that standard of behavior which He requires from us].
3 Ways to put the Ball in Play after a Mis-Take
1. Don’t Sweat Conflict.
2. Don’t Sweep Conflict.
A. Bring it up
B. Affirm your love and respect.
C. Be humble but clear in your communication.
3. Do Seek Forgiveness & Grace.
Grace forces you to feel the pain of your regrets but never asks you to pay for them because the price has already been paid by Jesus. (Colossians 2:14 – Paul Trip, New Morning Mercies, April 19th)
Colossians 3:12-15 (AMP) 12 So, as God’s own chosen people, who are holy [set apart, sanctified for His purpose] and well-beloved [by God Himself], put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience [which has the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness comes, with good temper]; 13 bearing graciously with one another, and willingly forgiving each other if one has a cause for complaint against another; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so should you forgive. 14 Beyond all these things put on and wrap yourselves in [unselfish] love, which is the perfect bond of unity [for everything is bound together in agreement when each one seeks the best for others]. 15 Let the peace of Christ [the inner calm of one who walks daily with Him] be the controlling factor in your hearts [deciding and settling questions that arise]. To this peace indeed you were called as members in one body [of believers]. And be thankful [to God always].
3 Marriage Swing and Misses
Miss-use
Miss-understand
Mis-take.
3 Marriage “Put the ball in the play”.
Love/Respect.
Clear Communication.
Grace and Forgiveness.