Forgiveness | April 16
Forgiveness: Have the Conversation
Matthew 18:
April 16th, 2023
Cultural Forgiveness (Tim Keller)
Nonconditional Forgiveness
Transactional Forgiveness
No Forgiveness
Nonconditional Forgiveness
Forgive, forget and move on because holding on just holds you back.
Nonconditional Forgiveness is cheap grace.
Transactional Forgiveness
The victim sets the penance/payment necessary to receive their forgiveness. This model flips the victim/perpetrator roles.
Transactional Forgiveness is little grace.
No Forgiveness is no grace.
These cultural models of forgiveness all lack a vertical God dimension directing and empowering the horizontal flow of grace.
The Bible doesn’t teach a cheap grace, little grace or no grace model of forgiveness, it teaches a costly grace model.
Forgiveness isn’t free.
Matthew 6 “forgive us our debts as we also forgive our debtors”
Forgiveness is a release of a debt. To be forgiven doesn’t mean the debt goes unpaid – it means the person to whom the debt is owed absorbs the debt.
Cheap grace – “Nothing to see here, move on.”
Little grace – “Work off your transgression and be subject to me”.
No-grace – “We will either avoid one another or we will move on.”
Costly grace – “I will forgive you because I have been forgiven more.”
Matthew 18:15-17 (AMP) 15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens and pays attention to you, you have won back your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two others, so that every word may be confirmed by the testimony of two or three witnesses. 17 If he pays no attention to them [refusing to listen and obey], tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile (unbeliever) and a tax collector.
Forgiveness
Step 1: Have a private conversation.
3 Other Options to a Conversation
#1 Let it go and move on.
#2 Ask others to take a side and move in.
#3 Write them off and move on.
Why is a private conversation step #1 to forgiveness?
1) A conversation is the knock on a closed door.
Forgiveness isn’t the end goal, it is the path to the end goals which are restoration (both made whole) and reconciliation (the relationship made whole).
Why is a private conversation step #1 to forgiveness?
1) A conversation is the knock on a closed door.
2) A conversation puts you in the same room with the same goal.
Satan wants to stir up conflict to destroy us, weaken the Body of Christ and destroy its witness. God leverages resolved conflict to strengthen the individual, the Body and the witness of the Church.
Why is a private conversation step #1 to forgiveness?
1) A conversation is the knock on a closed door.
2) A conversation puts you in the same room with the same goal.
3) A conversation cleans the air and clears the air.
Clean air = clarity. Clear air = diffused emotion.
Forgiveness Step #2 Double Up on Step #1.
Forgiveness Step #3 Approach the Church.
Matthew 18:21-22 (AMP) 21 Then Peter came to Him and asked, “Lord, how many times will my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered him, “I say to you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven.
Matthew 18:23-35 (AMP) 23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. 24 When he began the accounting, one who owed him 10,000 talents was brought to him. 25 But because he could not repay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and his children and everything that he possessed, and payment to be made. 26 So the slave fell on his knees and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ 27 And his master’s heart was moved with compassion and he released him and forgave him [canceling] the debt. 28 But that same slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began choking him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe!’ 29 So his fellow slave fell on his knees and begged him earnestly, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ 30 But he was unwilling and he went and had him thrown in prison until he paid back the debt. 31 When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and they went and reported to their master [with clarity and in detail] everything that had taken place. 32 Then his master called him and said to him, ‘You wicked and contemptible slave, I forgave all that [great] debt of yours because you begged me. 33 Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave [who owed you little by comparison], as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in wrath his master turned him over to the torturers (jailers) until he paid all that he owed. 35 My heavenly Father will also do the same to [every one of] you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”
A talent was a weight measurement and/or a time measurement.
A talent = 70lbs.
A talent = 9 years.
What are we to do with such a passage of scripture?
Get better acquainted with our own debt, it will soften your heart.
Don’t fixate on what forgiveness will cost you, focus on the value gained: A brother/sister in Christ + the Blessing of Christian unity.
Have the conversation.
Matthew 5:23-24
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.